Evansville’s Helming takes a record-tying
fourth Dirty Mack of the Year title
By Doyle Turner, THG Features
For the third consecutive year, Ryan Helming of Evansville has taken home the
gold as Indiana’s Dirty Mack of the Year for 2003. This was the fourth time
Helming has won the award, previously winning in 1999, 2001, and 2002.
Definitions of the term “dirty mack” vary by region of the country. The Hoosier
version of the term means one who hooks up with any girl he can find, regardless
of looks, cleanliness, or social standing. This is not to be confused with the
most popular definition of the term, from the song “Dirty Mack” by rap artist
Ice Cube on his 1992 album The Predator, which means one who messes up the plans
and lives of others.
Helming won on the 30th anniversary of the award, which is given out by a panel
of over 400 bartenders who gather for a convention in Indianapolis on the first
Monday in January each year. Committees meet from each region (there are nine
regions that are the same as the state’s congressional districts) to decide who
will be nominated from that region for Dirty Mack of the Year. The exploits of
the candidates are presented to the panel, and then a final vote is made.
This year’s award was especially sweet to Helming since the margin of victory
was the closest of any of his wins. He beat Chris “Dirty D” Dillman of South
Bend by only three votes. Helming’s escapades with an unnamed one-legged midget
and 400-pound Cathy Vincent put him over the top for his fourth win in six
tries.
“It is getting hard to take girls home from the bar with me,” said Helming, “I
ain’t getting any younger, and I have to wake up 3 am to get ready for work (at
UPS). I don’t know how much longer I can keep this pace up.”
Helming no doubt will go down in history as one of Indiana’s dirtiest of dirty
macks. Only he and Barry Gene Neel of New Albany (winner in 1975, 76, 78,79)
have won four of the titles. A victory next year would make Helming the most
highly decorated dirty mack the state has ever seen. “Oh wow! I don’t really
want to think about that. Titles are nice, but it is not about winning titles,
it is about having fun without making a commitment. Anybody can get married to
make sure they get some action regularly. I like the mental challenge of
convincing a complete stranger that hooking up with me is a good idea. It helps
if they are drunk too.”
One factor working to Helming’s advantage in 2004 is the fact that he recently
purchased a new home. He no longer will have to sneak girls back to his parents’
house on the West Side of Evansville. “It’s cool to have my own place. No tellin’
what will happen now.”
