Though not
from Indiana,
Pete Rose grew up and shattered the record books only a few short miles from the
state border. Rose also exhibits many of the finer qualities possessed by native
Hoosiers. For these reasons, management at The Hoosier Gazette has decided to
allow Mr. Rose the opportunity to be the first-ever guest columnist. He has
been given the assignment to predict this week’s NFL playoff games. Who better
to pick the games that someone with the knowledge and integrity of “The Hit
King”. For the record-- Mr. Rose was not paid for this column.
First off,
I would like to thank The Hoosier Gazette for allowing me this opportunity.
Ever since the site started in November, I’ve wanted a piece of the action.
Since The Hoosier Gazette’s staff are honorable men, they said I couldn’t do
anything on the site until I came clean and confessed my gambling sins. I held
out for about a month and half, but couldn’t take it anymore. The Hoosier
Gazette did what Bart Giamatti, John Dowd, Fay Vincent, Jim Gray, and countless
others could not--make me admit I bet on baseball. So there, I said it. Now I
can make my playoff predictions with a clear conscious. It’s been a long time
since I’ve done this, but I still have some of the old magic (and luck) left.
Tennessee
at New England, -6 This one
appears to be a no-brainer. The Patriots have won a million games in a row,
it’s in Foxboro, and the Titans appear banged up. No matter, I like the
Titans. Steve McNair has a lot more heart that Tom Brady. Brady’s just a
pretty boy, the type I hated when I played for the Reds. McNair, now that’s my
type of guy. I can really relate to him, especially when he got popped with a
DUI. I’ll go with the Titans to win this game, 17-14
Indianapolis at Kansas City, -3 I’ve got
to go with the Colts in this one (I am writing for The Hoosier Gazette). The
Colts just embarrassed the Broncos on Sunday. Everyone concentrates on Indy’s
big three, but they got the secret weapon--Brandon Stokley. Man, that white-boy
can run! The Chiefs are nothing but paper champions. I’d pick the Colts for
the fact alone that they’re facing Dick Vermeil. I hate that guy. His guys get a
first down and he cries. He’s so touchy-feely with his players. I didn’t have
time for that crap when I was the manager of the Reds. I had more important
things to do, like make calls, and I don’t mean strategy calls to help my team
win. There’s a time and place to be emotional in professional sports--like when
you break the all-time hit record or get banned from baseball for life--not on a
regular basis like this pansy. I’ll go with the Colts big, 35-17.
“The
Chiefs are paper champs.” Pete dislikes Mrs. Warner
Carolina
at St. Louis, -7 I’ve
always liked the city of St. Louis.
It’s a great sports town with a rich gambling history. What it must have been
like back in the day to float down the Mississippi and gamble all the way to New
Orleans! Having said that, I can’t go with the
Rams in this one. The reason: they still have Kurt Warner. Even though he’s
not a starter, he’s still on the roster. This guy is worse than Dick Vermeil!
Warner is one of those do-gooders that feel they are above everyone else. His
kind is the type of person that got me thrown out of baseball. Plus, I can’t
stand looking at his wife! She has to be the most unattractive professional
sports wife ever. If she was a stripper, I wouldn’t throw a wooden nickel her
way, and that’s saying something. That’s neither here nor there, though. Back
to the field. The Panthers are tough and the Rams have played the worst
schedule in the NFL (look it up). I’ll go with Carolina
in a squeaker, 31-28
Green Bay
at Philadelphia, -5 Is
there a more boring playoff game than this? The only way someone that didn’t
live in these two cities would watch this game is if they had money on it. I
know, the Packers are the feel good story with Favre’s dad and all, but the
fairy tale ends here (I hate happy endings). The only satisfaction I would get
out of this game is if the Philly fans took one of those cheese head idiots fans
and torched ‘em. Eagles roll 38-7.
Well
thanks for indulging me in my favorite activity. If I’m lucky, The Hoosier
Gazette will let me predict next week’s games as well. I just wish the Bengals
would have made it. In the meantime, BUY MY BOOK!
