Here in Indiana, we don’t have much to celebrate. Our education system is one of
the worst in the country. We are one of the fattest states in the union. Our
state economy is dependent on the Gilded Age model of manufacturing. Roads
aren’t paved; our best and brightest leave for greener pastures. The only time
we can take a smidgen of pride in our state is when the Indiana Hoosier
basketball team does well. We’re denied even this point of pride considering the
Hoosiers’ near-40 point loss to our stepsister to the south, Kentucky.
But this is a new year. The citizens of Indiana--for at least one week--can walk
around with our chests puffed out. We have something to brag about:
The Indianapolis Colts.
For the previous 20 years, our NFL team has been another item on our laundry
list of shortcomings. Before Sunday, the Colts had only one forgettable home
playoff game. This game is only remembered because the upper deck of the RCA
Dome was filled with hillbilly Tennessee Titans fans--causing many problems for
the home team.
This should be no surprise. It is a fact that the team basically has to get down
on its knees and beg fans to fill the smallest (and ugliest) stadium in the NFL.
It is also not surprising to see large numbers of the opposing team’s fans
frequenting games--walking around unmolested among the almost apathetic hometown
crowds.
As Bob Kravitz of the Indianapolis Star said, 20 years of bad memories were
erased on Sunday. The new Colts era in Indy began on January 4, 2004. Football
fans of Indiana should jump on the bandwagon, albeit late, and make this team
truly Indiana’s team.
No more should Hoosiers be fans of the Dolphins, Steelers, Cowboys, Bears,
Raiders, or whatever other no-win, loser team they have previously patronized.
Might as well support the Colts--they’re good and your tax dollars go to support
them.
You could feel the tide turning on Sunday. Maybe Indianapolis was becoming a
football town after all. The crowd was extremely loud and finally got the
concept to be quiet when the Colts have the ball (this has been a problem). So
Hoosiers, be proud that you’re from the same state as the Colts.
Before I end this article, I’d be remiss if I didn’t discuss the Broncos and a
couple a columnists (allegedly) from the Rocky Mountain News.
Well, well, well. Look who got cocky and got obliterated on national TV when it
counted. The ‘Donkeys’ won in the regular season and thought they’d have a
cakewalk in the playoff game.
The whole week all you heard out of Denver was this game would be more of the
same. They were all set to make their ‘greatest run ever’ to the Super Bowl.
Right.
Mike Shanahan apparently took the same approach as the previous week’s game
against Green Bay--rest his starters. Rod Smith told the Rocky Mountain News
that the ‘Donkeys’ game plan was “one of the best ever”. If that was the best,
what does the worst look like?
Wait, Brandon Stokley just scored again.
Shannon Sharpe was reportedly seen calling in the Indiana National Guard to save
them from a further beating in the second half. What a fitting way to end the
career of one of the most obnoxious players to ever suit up in the NFL.
I would also like to mention Rocky Mountain News reporters Dave Krieger and
Bernie Lincicome. For those who didn’t catch it, both had rather scathing
articles concerning the Colts and the City of Indianapolis.
Krieger wrote in his Sunday morning column that they would not resort to
‘trashing’ the opponent’s town before the game. He then preceded to, rather
unhumorously, do what he purported not to do.
Lincicome employed the same style. He started his column by saying there “must
be 100 reasons why the Broncos could lose to the Colts.” Lincicome then
attempted to be clever in listing those reasons. Some of the gems:
-Edgerrin James has ever, even once, been inside a library
-The Broncos defensive linemen wear handles on their shirts
-Tattoos are not to fashion what carbohydrates are to waistlines
-The Indy 500 are set free
-Hoosier doesn’t mean “sleeps with corn”
I could go on, but why? Its evident we’re not dealing with Bill Shakespeare. I
seriously doubt Lincicome has himself ever been to a library judging by his
unintelligent article. Hey Bernie, nice attempt at an analogy! I’d rather be a
Hoosier in Indiana than live in Colorado and read your garbage every morning.
One question for you Bernie: Is that a toupee you are wearing on your head or is
that just a really bad haircut?
When did Denver become such a megalopolis? The last time I checked, it was still
a cow town. The city government, within the last several years, passed an
ordinance where livestock could not roam free in the streets. Nice scenery, but
your town is nothing special.
Denver fans can take solace, now that their football season is finished, in the
Nuggets. Oh, wait, our Pacers destroy them also. Indiana might not have a
baseball team, but it’s a shorter drive to find quality major league baseball.
We only have to drive to Chicago or St. Louis; Denverites would have to drive to
Minneapolis to see a real major league team.
The team ‘Donkey’ fans will now rally around is the Avalanche. They might be
good, but how many people outside of Canada really care about hockey? What’s the
point of having a good team in a sport no one cares about? Do other cities get
excited about Major League Soccer or the WNBA? Hockey is in the same category as
these sports in the USA. Indiana had a good Arena Football team last year, but
you don’t see us going crazy for them.
It’s evident these two writers (I use that term loosely) are nothing but a
couple of hacks. Grantland Rice is spinning in his grave. If this is the type of
quality it takes to get a job in journalism, my resume will be on its way to the
Rocky Mountain News A.S.A.P. I know if I turned an article resembling the ones
written by these guys, the editors of The Hoosier Gazette would send it back and
tell me to try again.
The last part of this article might be harsh, but it was well deserved by those
called into question. I, for one, don’t believe Denver is that much better place
to live than Indiana. The Rocky Mountain News reported that methamphetamine is
becoming an epidemic there, same as in Hoosierland. For those who don’t know,
crank is considered the ‘white trash cocaine.’ Welcome to the party,
Denver. You’ve got a bunch of “motor heads” jacked up on “rocket fuel” walking
your streets. Real haute couture. Just take a look at Lincicome’s hair and
decide for yourself if Denver is at the forefront of Western Civilization.
