We at THG appreciate feedback from our readers, so we have
decided to post some recent comments sent in to us. We left in all spelling,
grammar, and punctuation errors to preserve authenticity. These are actual
comments, not works of fiction like most of our material.
Concerning the article “Hostettler mounting campaign to
change the name of Interstate 69” by August Wayne
Please urge your readers not to get caught up in such
foolishness as changing an interstate highway number. The money that would have
to be spent to change all the signs involved has got to be extremely costly.
Wouldn't money be better spent on education or health care? Please - let's get
our Christian priorities straight! Ignore teenagers laughing at the "69"
button - that is what differenciates children from adults.
From State College, Pennsylvania:
Hostettler is correct in saying Interstate Highway
numbering system is violated by I-69 being West of I-65. But it's certainly not
the first violation of that method.
I-99 in Central Pennsylvania is entirely West of I-95,
I-81, etc.. He should keep his ho·mo·erot·ic ideas in his pants and let the
highway system do its job.
From San Francisco, California:
Change the name of I-69?? Really, perhaps Indiana should
call it I-WWJD.
From Bloomington:
Can the idiot who's all worried about changing Highway 69
to Highway
63 because "teen agers snicker at it" and he wants a "more
moral sounding" number grow up and put his energies into the vast array of real
problems to be solved? How do such foos get into office!
From Muncie:
I can't beleive that John Hostettler, the Congressman
representing the 8th district of Indiana, wants the name of I-69 changed. I am
mature enough (22 years old) to know that the road is just a number and does not
have any sexual reference. Why would we change the name of a road that millions
of people in the United States are familiar with just because immature teenages
snicker at a buttom he wears? Changing the name would draw more attention to
the number and be more of an embarrassment to our state. I suggest he stop
wearing that button and start focusing on some more important issues that
concern our wonderful state.
From California:
On your recent article "Hotstettler Mounting Campaign to
Change the Name of Interstate 69," my comment is this: Do these people have
their heads so far up their butts they need a window in their stomachs to see?
We're at war where our young people are getting killed for no reason on a daily
basis. There are much more worthwhile things to worry about and try to change
than a highway sign that happens to offend less than 1% of the population.
From Kentucky:
Great story about I-69! As a Hoosier, living out of state
I get kidded quite a bit about my home state. I just have to know…did
Hostettler really make those statements or is this satire? Thanks!
From a former Hoosier:
This is absurd! The religious right is out of control in
their push to bring down our government with such complete nonsense. If
Hostettler is going to indulge in this frivolous complaint, than why stop at
69? Why don’t we abolish the word “BUT” from the English language because it
sounds like “BUTT”. Teenagers are prone to snicker when they hear that word.
No buts about it. BUT is a word that brings the word ASS to mind and an ASS is
a part of the mid-regions of the human body, thus immoral to talk about. Is 63
really a moral number? It still has the number 6 which is still a component of
the evil, immoral number 69. The number 3 looks like breasts (another highly
immoral body part). Remember Janet Jackson and the exposed breast episode?
Forget about Bin Laden and the fallen twin towers, that Janet Jackson committed
an act of terrorism for sure showing her breast at the super bowl. Better
change Interstate 65 while you are at it. If you think about the number 5, the
eye can visualize a person in a kneeling position with their “butt” facing the
number 6. That might suggest something homosexual Stay away from renaming the
highway to Interstate 666, because that’s the devil’s number. When religious
extremism such as this is permitted to dominate over common sense, maturity,
tolerance, diversity, compassion and government, it will destroy a nation.
From Allston, Massachusetts:
Per you article concerning the changing of Route I-69 to
another route number, I have two questions. Will Congressman Hostetller address
the telephone company in replacing *69 with another number? And secondly, is the
practice of "69" in the sexual sense technically illegal in Indiana? Is it legal
to print or display this number in public?
From Evansville:
I think that the reason that people thought that your
Hostettler article was for real was two-fold a) it was well-written and
believable and b) it sounded like some asinine thing that he would do/say. Keep
up the good work.
From Berea, Ohio:
Dear Editor:
The following letter I am mailing to Representative Hostettler today.
U.S. Representative John Hostettler
Evansville District Office
101 NW Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.
Room 124
Evansville, IN 47708
November 16, 2004
Dear Representative Hostettler:
With regards to your stated support of changing the name of Interstate 69 to
I-63, the issue of morality has been cited. According to The Hoosier Gazette,
you are quoted as saying, "I believe it is time to change the name of the
highway. It is the moral thing to do." This has caused my wife and I no little
concern, as although we have been married for nearly ten years, we had never
before heard a U.S. Representative deem the number sixty-nine immoral. This is
undoubtedly a reference to the sexual position sixty-nine, but we are now
wondering why this sexual position is less moral than other sexual positions of
different numerical status, and hope you can offer clarification.
My wife and I have engaged in the sixty-nine sexual position on several
occasions. And although it didn't seem so bad at the time, in light of your
recent comments, we both are now questioning our morality. Is all oral sex
between married couples now immoral, or only in the sixty-nine position? I hope
you'll agree with me that our government has an obligation to illuminate its
position on this important issue.
According to the same article, you have stated that "Every time I have been out
in public with an 'I-69' button on my lapel, teenagers point and snicker at it.
I have had many ask me if they can have my button." This raises many concerns.
First and foremost, of course, is, did you give them your button? Secondly, if
you wear this button in public in front of teenagers, is it immoral if the
teenagers who snicker at it are married? In Indiana, is marriage between
eighteen and nineteen year olds viewed as legally less susceptible to morally
ambiguous questions than marriage between those in their later years? Do you
see how confounding this issue can become?
Perhaps renaming the highway does not go far enough. Certainly banning things
which cause teenagers (married and otherwise) to snicker is sound federal
policy. But why should our government stop there? Have you been to a high
school dance lately? The way these kids behave today on the dance floor is
downright illicit. If we were able to ban contemporary music, I think you'll
agree that risqué behavior on many fronts would decrease substantially. For
that matter, I have been giving the Defense of Marriage Act some thought, and
would like to bounce an idea or two off you as well.
Instead of just banning marriage between homosexual couples, what if we made
divorce punishable by twenty years in prison, no parole? For my money, that
would really protect the sanctity of marriage. Or maybe the death penalty for
divorce lawyers would serve as an effective deterrent.
In any case, thank you for taking up this noble cause. I, for one, am with
you. My wife and I may soon make your district our new home.
From parts unknown:
I find it somewhat ironic and terribly amusing that your
poll asking for an opinion on legalized prostitution in Indiana sits directly
next to the article on John Hostettler's move to rename Highway 69 on "moral
grounds."
Talk about a paradox.
From Central Illinois:
Mr. Whicker,
I just read August Wayne's article on the Hostettler move to re-name Interstate
69. It may be of interest to you that I found the link in a web piece that was
ridiculing Mr. Hostettler.
The reason I'm writing is that I find it disturbing when pop-logic is used to
enlist the public's more base sentiments. In this particular case, Indiana has
an interstate that was numbered with disregard for our national system of
numbering.
Misnumbered or a misnomer, as you may prefer, but the occurance defied accepted
logic. Why can't genuine, non-loaded logic be used to correct this? And what,
pray tell me, is this 'sexual significance' Mr. Hostettler attributes to the
number 69?
From Whiteland, Indiana:
how many years has this highway been in place and why does
the numerical significance have any bearing on the issue of a much needed
highway extension. I guess we need to re number all latitude and longitude
locations on the globe that contain these numbers as well... I have a legitimate
gripe with this my birthday is 9-11-69 I guess indeed to ask my mother why she
didn't think my conception thru a little more and plan for a different year....
You know over the years I have caught al kinds a jokes over my birthrate being a
emergency 69 but guess what I lived and I made it with out any therapy or
changing a few little numbers around to be politically correct.... with all the
teenage deaths we have had in the month or so from highway accidents why don't
they try to be a little more focused on something that matters, try preserving
or educating kids better about joy riding or better accountability, for there
actions when out and about operating vehicles...
From Knoxville, Tennessee:
this article on I-69 is making you people look like serious
yahoos.
I presume that's because you are.
I live in Knoxville, TN, and to look like a yahoo from
here, you have to be pretty awful.
From parts unknown:
I-69 might be west of I-65 in your neck of the woods, but
in northern
Indiana it's east of I-65.
Hostettler's proposal is truly the stupidest thing I have
read all day.
What's next on his agenda -- changing the name of French
Lick to Freedom Lick?
From Brooklyn, NY:
Where can I get an I-69 button like that mentioned in this
article?
Never mind the snickering, you could PAY for the road with
revenue from t-shirts, bumper stickers, etc.
From New Hampshire:
How do I position that the I-69 designation for, well, I-69
remain
in tact? But if we can't, could you also ask the
Congressman look into that "asphalt" term ... it's very disturbing.
From Statesville, North Carolina:
To the Editor:
I got the news about I-69 and Representative Hostettler
from a friend of mine and was quite amused at his comments on I-69 in Indiana.
Funny, I thought he was a fully-grown man. Silly me.
First, Rep. Hostettler, if you rename I-69 because some
people think it's sexual in nature, where does it end? Do we rename Hollywood
because it implies someone named Holly would do something illicit? Do we
boycott Volvo's because they sound similar to a part of the female anatomy?
Where do you draw the line??
And SECOND, look at a Road Atlas sometime. Look at I-99,
and where it is placed. Should we take that out, too? How about I-85 in
Georgia, where it suddenly crosses over I-75 heading south so that the southern
portion is west of I-75? I-77 spends a great time east of I-81 (from
Wytheville, VA, southward). I-24 is north of I-40 north and west of Nashville.
I-35 north of Dallas is east of I-45 and it keeps going on in that direction.
And how about that little I-39 that runs through Bloomington? Is Indiana
suddenly west of Chicago, the northern terminus of I-55?
How about spending less time kowtowing to the religious
right and spend more time worrying about terrorism, Rep. Hostettler?
From parts unknown:
you guys kick ass... this is a great web page!!! is there
any reality in the hostettler i-69 story?
From Kentucky:
Josh you ROCK! Keep up the great work, the I-69 story was
REALLY funny.
From Pennsylvania:
Renaming "I-69" is the most re-goddamn-diculous thing i've
heard in a long time.
This legislator should be dealing with more pressing
matters related to the state and its immediate future, rather than bowing to
some frivilous, silly, and completely irrevelant concern of the fringe religious
right.
Please, Indiana, dont embarass yourself by giving this idea
legitimacy. Think about the future, and dont get pigeonholed into being labeled
a state with a population that has a questionable intelligence because of some
silly people who are getting attention!
From Parker, Colorado:
If Congressman Hostettler wants to change I-69, I think he
should be the guy to pay for it all: the signs, the maps etc. Sounds like just
another political patsy-and moron.
From Panama City, Florida:
"John Hostettler, the Congressman representing the 8th
district of
Indiana, has been convinced by local religious groups to
introduce legislation in the House that would change the name of an Interstate
69 extension to a more moral sounding number." Only a politician would come up
with something as outrageous as this...anything for a vote. Next he'll want to
abolish the numbers altogether! His mind, and the mind of those religious
groups demanding the change, need to get their minds out of the gutter! Come on
people, it's a number identifying an Interstate!
Concerning the article “Russian exchange student feels
right at home in Cannelton” by Edward Seelbach
From a student at Cannelton High School (no kidding):
I am a resident of Cannelton IN and i just read the load of
bull sh** about the russian girl going to our school. Well for a matter of fact
we don't have any russian student's at our school this year so we know it's not
true. the only true fact in the coulnm s the 4-wheel drive trucks saying git-r-done.
This town wouldn't make you want to do anything you only do it if you want to. I
go to cannelton school and i don't smoke weed or have all kinds of tattoos.
From Cannelton:
Regarding the Cannelton story on your homepage: We get
enough bad press from the local towns, we really do not need two guys from
Evansville making stuff up about us and posting it on the internet. I know that
this is a satirical story on a basically satirical website, but I think you
should stick to making up stories about your own locales. Being from
Evansville, I'm sure you've driven through Cannelton once or twice, or at least
know someone who has, but it's a bit unfair to label a town from a drive through
or a single trip. Those of us who have lived here our entire lives know that
the people do a bit more than drink, get fat, have sex with anything, get tatoos,
or smoke cigarettes and marijuana. You could have easily made that story up
about any town in Indiana and I honestly cannot understand why you would choose
Cannelton to lay this on. Most people do not know that Cannelton even exists,
we'd rather keep it that way if this is the kind of crap people are going to say
about our town.
I don't mean to insult your website or anything. I enjoy a
website that devotes itself to the lighter side of anything, especially my home
state. But I did not find anything lighthearted about that story. It seemed to
be a blatant putdown to people from Cannelton.
I was wondering if you would allow me to write my own short
piece on Cannelton and post that on your site. If you were willing to do that,
I would consider the whole situation to be fine as the real side of Cannelton
could be shown. Don't worry about bad writing on my part, I am currently
attending USI as an English Education major and I can manage a few coherent
paragraphs on my home town.
From a Cannelton resident:
I am enraged that you would allow a fictional story about
my hometown, Cannelton, to be viewed in such a horrible manner. In the story on
your home page right now, Cannelton is shown as the equivalent of a rundown
Russian town that promotes promiscuous sex, drug use, obesity, and, as if these
were linked, tatoos. The author creates a completely horrible image of
Cannelton that I feel, form living there my entire life, is completely false.
If you dig deep enough in any town you will find the questionable element, it
takes a genuine human being to search for the good in a small town. To
reiterate, I cannot believe that you would willingly post such horrible
information about an Indiana city and I would very much like more information on
this author, Edward Seelbach.
I would at least like an e-mail address for the man so that
I can find out just why he felt the need to slander my town like this.
From a former Cannelton resident:
just needed to let you know that, as a former cannelton
high school student, i could have totally believed your cannelton story had my
son (a student at RHIT) not told me it was a farce before he sent it. btw, did
you reference a little town named rome near cannelton in your "when in rome............."
reference?
great job!
From Otwell, Indiana:
I once listened to a realtor's pitch and moved to Cannelton.
It's nice to know I'm not the only one who sees the real town. Yes, I know,
Otwell is not much better.
From Fort Wayne:
I had to choke back laughter (I'm at work, and a
cubicle-dwelling troll) reading the article on the foreign exchange student from
Russia.
From an employee with Cannelton Schools:
Dear Editor:
I have received many emails from people who have been
really hurt from your article on Cannelton High School's fictitious Russian
student. All of the emails thought that it was true and the students are
devastated -- especially since they are so poor and already feel bad about other
schools making fun of them.
Please retract, if possible.
Miscellaneous
From Schenectady, NY:
I love you guys!
From Winamac, IN:
Hey, I've just gotta say that I really like this site. I've
been a fan of theonion.com for years, and I just recently discovered
hoosiergazette.com, and its great, just great. I read the article entitled "THG
Readers Sound Off Again" and laughed my ass off. I imagine that in your position
those letters only justify what you do even more, and thats got to be a great
feeling. I do not have any hard feelings towards your mockery of all things
Indiana-ish, because in all parody there is an underlying truth, and that is
very much the case here. I actually had an idea to create a similar site a few
years ago, but was unconvinced that I could pull it off. You guys did, however,
and I couldn't be happier with the site. I'm sure you get the offer all the
time, but if you ever feel the need for some pro-bono writing, I would gladly
volunteer for the job, but it looks like you have it covered nicely. My
compliments to your site and please continue as long as you can!
From Indianapolis:
Best news site in Indiana! I'm ashamed I didn't find you
guys sooner! :-)
From Georgia:
Just stopped by to see who was advertising on your site. I
don't want to support any of your supporters.
From Georgetown, KY:
I appreciate the art of satire where I can find it.
However, a successful execution of satire is its ability to be convincing. The
articles on this website are not convincing due to the appalling grammar,
writing style, and syntax of the language used. You might want to review aspects
of journalism and simple grammar before you publish your stories. This is
important to you now more than ever because of your exposure through certain
stories from news stations.
I would expect more from the teacher of the group, Whicker.
It is scary to think that this man is trying to guide young children on the path
of learning when he cannot write or edit a simple sentence with correct
punctuation. (By the way, periods always go inside quotation marks.) Before you
deface Kentucky with jokes, you might want to look at your own website and how
it represents Indiana.
Right now, your representation of Indiana is pitiful.
From the rogue state of Michigan:
I didn't know they had the Internet in Indiana. Must be
one of those other Internets that W was talking about in the debates. For a
bunch of Hoosiers, this is a pretty good effort. Oh, and thanks for stacking
your only bit of Great Lakes shoreline with Steel Mills.
From Butler University:
This site is great and I just sent it to all my friends...
"The Onion" of Indiana!!!!
From a suburb of Zulu (that’s what they put as their
location):
I'm a real life professional journalist and I think THG's a
hoot. If we can't laugh at ourselves then we should get out of the business.
Keep up the good work. It keeps us - at least most of us - on our toes where we
ought to be.
From Naperville, Illinois (originally from Wolf Lake,
Indiana):
why did i just now find this site? where has it been all my
life?
aha. *tear*
From Evansville:
Great job you guys! I love your site, it is the best thing
in Southern Indiana next to "Cornhole" and "Washers". I am originally from
Indianapolis, but now reside in lovely *cough* Evansville. I frequent your site
often and love to see your stories. I was surprised to hear on the WGBF this
morning the story about John Hostettler wanting to change the name of I-69 to
I-63, being that I had just read that article on your site the day before. I
noticed on
http://www.courierpress.com/ecp/news/article/0,1626,ECP_734_3331700,00.html
they mention your site as well! I love it! Keep up the great work!
From parts unknown:
Maybe your article on Angel Mounds is tongue in cheek,
don’t know; but it is steeped in ignorance and offensive. For you to ridicule
early North American culture shows a lack of knowledge. Of course if you don’t
know anything about what the site signifies, then you will find it boring;
nothing new there to human nature. Typically that’s flat and two dimensional.
It’s an intellectual and spiritual challenge to see beyond the surface.
From Fort Wayne:
What a great website. And congratulations on making it into
the National Journal. Websites like your make living here more bearable (at
least a little)
From West Terre Haute:
Dear Sir:
I've been working some math problems, and I've discovered a
new formula that
I wish to share with you:
Hoosier Gazette + (satire stories - real stories)/ The
Onion = not funny
From Avon, Indiana:
Just to let you know I think your website is hilarious! I
really got a kick out of the "State Mottos" and my relative from KY loves the KY
jokes (for those who are offended by them--calm down. You may substitute any
state name you please). Keep up the good work! Satire is desparately needed
today and for all those who don't get it--lighten up!
Thanks to all of you that took the time to comment!
