There are a lot of potholes on the road to romance
for Indiana’s singles
By Michelle
Perry, THG News
According to one of
Evansville’s most eligible bachelors, once you get past the age of 24 the
state’s single scene leaves much to be desired.
“Once you get past 24, the
pickings start getting slim,” says 27 year old Melvin Flener, a single,
good-looking bachelor who works in the banking industry. “Most of the best
prospects are already married or engaged, and trying to find someone you would
want to spend your life with seems darn near impossible.”
Flener wasn’t ready to
settle down in his early twenties, and says he is paying for it now. “I didn’t
want a serious girlfriend. I wanted to travel and just have fun. Now I am
serious about wanting to be in a relationship, but can’t find anyone worth
dating.”
It isn’t that there is a
shortage of single women out there for men like Flener to choose from, it is the
quality of these women that is suspect.
Flener says it has gotten
so bad that he and his single friends have come up with four classifications for
the kinds of women they are likely to run into on the singles scene:
1. Hogwarts
These women might have
great personalities, but have physical flaws that are very undesirable, such as
an ugly face or being grossly overweight. These women are like mopeds; they are
fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to see you with one.
2. Bag Ladies
These women might be good
looking and even have a great career, but they have had so many bad
relationships that they are extremely insecure and paranoid. Bag Ladies spend
most of their time drilling their boyfriends with questions to see if they are
going to break up or if they have cheated on them or plan to. They will also
call your cell phone late at night to see where you are and if there are any
female voices or breathing in the background.
3. Nerdlies
Nerdlies are moral and
nice girls who would probably make good wives—if you can overcome their strange
sense of humor, overly loud and obnoxious laughs, and adolescent-like approach
to dating. Most Nerdlies have never been in a relationship, so they don’t
really know how to act and they freak out and get squirmy when you try to go to
second base. They also have huge collections of worthless crap (Beanie Babies,
etc.).
4. Brat Packers
When a single woman is
good-looking, smart, has a great personality, and is over the age of 24, you can
bet she has at least two kids. Some guys don’t mind playing Brady Bunch with a
house load of kids that they didn’t sire, but Flener and his gang rule out
dating anyone with children. “The bratty kids aren’t the biggest turnoff. The
worst part about getting serious with a Brat Packer is being forced to see some
scumbag every other weekend when it is his turn to keep them.”
So what are single men
looking for love in Indiana to do?
“Mail order brides,” says
Flener. “That isn’t the best option, but is a heck of a lot better than the
alternative.”
