THG readers sound off on I-69, Cannelton

November 21, 2004

We at THG appreciate feedback from our readers, so we have decided to post some recent comments sent in to us. We left in all spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors to preserve authenticity. These are actual comments, not works of fiction like most of our material. 

Concerning the article “Hostettler mounting campaign to change the name of Interstate 69” by August Wayne

From Brussels, Belgium:

Your I-69 story made the news in Belgium: http://www.hln.be/hln/cch/det/art_28453.html

From Illinois:

Dear Editor,

Please urge your readers not to get caught up in such foolishness as changing an interstate highway number.  The money that would have to be spent to change all the signs involved has got to be extremely costly.  Wouldn't money be better spent on education or health care? Please - let's get our Christian priorities straight!   Ignore teenagers laughing at the "69" button - that is what differenciates children from adults.

From State College, Pennsylvania:

Hostettler is correct in saying Interstate Highway numbering system is violated by I-69 being West of I-65. But it's certainly not the first violation of that method.

I-99 in Central Pennsylvania is entirely West of I-95, I-81, etc..  He should keep his ho·mo·erot·ic ideas in his pants and let the highway system do its job.

From San Francisco, California:

Change the name of I-69??  Really, perhaps Indiana should call it I-WWJD.

From Bloomington:

Can the idiot who's all worried about changing Highway 69 to Highway

63 because "teen agers snicker at it" and he wants a "more moral sounding" number grow up and put his energies into the vast array of real problems to be solved? How do such foos get into office!

From Muncie:

I can't beleive that John Hostettler, the Congressman representing the 8th district of Indiana, wants the name of I-69 changed.  I am mature enough (22 years old) to know that the road is just a number and does not have any sexual reference.  Why would we change the name of a road that millions of people in the United States are familiar with just because immature teenages snicker at a buttom he wears?  Changing the name would draw more attention to the number and be more of an embarrassment to our state.  I suggest he stop wearing that button and start focusing on some more important issues that concern our wonderful state.

From California:

On your recent article "Hotstettler Mounting Campaign to Change the Name of Interstate 69," my comment is this: Do these people have their heads so far up their butts they need a window in their stomachs to see?  We're at war where our young people are getting killed for no reason on a daily basis.  There are much more worthwhile things to worry about and try to change than a highway sign that happens to offend less than 1% of the population.

From Kentucky:

Great story about I-69!  As a Hoosier, living out of state I get kidded quite a bit about my home state.  I just have to know…did Hostettler really make those statements or is this satire?  Thanks!

From a former Hoosier:

This is absurd!  The religious right is out of control in their push to bring down our government with such complete nonsense.  If Hostettler is going to indulge in this frivolous complaint, than why stop at 69?  Why don’t we abolish the word “BUT” from the English language because it sounds like “BUTT”.  Teenagers are prone to snicker when they hear that word.  No buts about it.  BUT is a word that brings the word ASS to mind and an ASS is a part of the mid-regions of the human body, thus immoral to talk about.  Is 63 really a moral number?  It still has the number 6 which is still a component of the evil, immoral number 69.  The number 3 looks like breasts (another highly immoral body part).  Remember Janet Jackson and the exposed breast episode?  Forget about Bin Laden and the fallen twin towers, that Janet Jackson committed an act of terrorism for sure showing her breast at the super bowl.  Better change Interstate 65 while you are at it.  If you think about the number 5, the eye can visualize a person in a kneeling position with their “butt” facing the number 6.  That might suggest something homosexual   Stay away from renaming the highway to Interstate 666, because that’s the devil’s number.  When religious extremism such as this is permitted to dominate over common sense, maturity, tolerance, diversity, compassion and government, it will destroy a nation. 

From Allston, Massachusetts:

Per you article concerning the changing of Route I-69 to another route number, I have two questions. Will Congressman Hostetller address the telephone company in replacing *69 with another number? And secondly, is the practice of "69" in the sexual sense technically illegal in Indiana? Is it legal to print or display this number in public?

From Evansville:

I think that the reason that people thought that your Hostettler article was for real was two-fold a) it was well-written and believable and b) it sounded like some asinine thing that he would do/say.  Keep up the good work.

From Berea, Ohio:

Dear Editor:

The following letter I am mailing to Representative Hostettler today.

U.S. Representative John Hostettler
Evansville District Office
101 NW Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.
Room 124
Evansville, IN 47708

November 16, 2004

Dear Representative Hostettler:

With regards to your stated support of changing the name of Interstate 69 to I-63, the issue of morality has been cited.  According to The Hoosier Gazette, you are quoted as saying, "I believe it is time to change the name of the highway.  It is the moral thing to do."  This has caused my wife and I no little concern, as although we have been married for nearly ten years, we had never before heard a U.S. Representative deem the number sixty-nine immoral.  This is undoubtedly a reference to the sexual position sixty-nine, but we are now wondering why this sexual position is less moral than other sexual positions of different numerical status, and hope you can offer clarification.

My wife and I have engaged in the sixty-nine sexual position on several occasions.  And although it didn't seem so bad at the time, in light of your recent comments, we both are now questioning our morality.  Is all oral sex between married couples now immoral, or only in the sixty-nine position?  I hope you'll agree with me that our government has an obligation to illuminate its position on this important issue.

According to the same article, you have stated that "Every time I have been out in public with an 'I-69' button on my lapel, teenagers point and snicker at it.  I have had many ask me if they can have my button."  This raises many concerns.  First and foremost, of course, is, did you give them your button?  Secondly, if you wear this button in public in front of teenagers, is it immoral if the teenagers who snicker at it are married?  In Indiana, is marriage between eighteen and nineteen year olds viewed as legally less susceptible to morally ambiguous questions than marriage between those in their later years?  Do you see how confounding this issue can become?

Perhaps renaming the highway does not go far enough.  Certainly banning things which cause teenagers (married and otherwise) to snicker is sound federal policy.  But why should our government stop there?  Have you been to a high school dance lately?  The way these kids behave today on the dance floor is downright illicit.  If we were able to ban contemporary music, I think you'll agree that risqué behavior on many fronts would decrease substantially.  For that matter, I have been giving the Defense of Marriage Act some thought, and would like to bounce an idea or two off you as well.

Instead of just banning marriage between homosexual couples, what if we made divorce punishable by twenty years in prison, no parole?  For my money, that would really protect the sanctity of marriage.  Or maybe the death penalty for divorce lawyers would serve as an effective deterrent. 

In any case, thank you for taking up this noble cause.  I, for one, am with you.  My wife and I may soon make your district our new home.

From parts unknown:

I find it somewhat ironic and terribly amusing that your poll asking for an opinion on legalized prostitution in Indiana sits directly next to the article on John Hostettler's move to rename Highway 69 on "moral grounds."

Talk about a paradox.

From Central Illinois:

Mr. Whicker,
I just read August Wayne's article on the Hostettler move to re-name Interstate 69. It may be of interest to you that I found the link in a web piece that was ridiculing Mr. Hostettler.

The reason I'm writing is that I find it disturbing when pop-logic is used to enlist the public's more base sentiments. In this particular case, Indiana has an interstate that was numbered with disregard for our national system of numbering.

Misnumbered or a misnomer, as you may prefer, but the occurance defied accepted logic. Why can't genuine, non-loaded logic be used to correct this? And what, pray tell me, is this 'sexual significance' Mr. Hostettler attributes to the number 69?

From Whiteland, Indiana:

how many years has this highway been in place and why does the numerical significance have any bearing on the issue of a much needed highway extension.  I guess we need to re number all latitude and longitude locations on the globe that contain these numbers as well... I have a legitimate gripe with this my birthday is 9-11-69  I guess indeed to ask my mother why she  didn't think my conception thru a little more and plan for a different year.... You know over the years I have caught al kinds a jokes over my birthrate being a emergency 69 but guess what I lived and I made it with out any therapy or changing a few little numbers around to be politically correct.... with all the teenage deaths we have had in the month or so from highway accidents why don't they try to be a little more focused on something that matters, try preserving or educating kids better about joy riding or  better accountability, for there actions when out and about operating vehicles...

From Knoxville, Tennessee:

this article on I-69 is making you people look like serious yahoos.

I presume that's because you are.

I live in Knoxville, TN, and to look like a yahoo from here, you have to be pretty awful.

From parts unknown:

I-69 might be west of I-65 in your neck of the woods, but in northern

Indiana it's east of I-65.

Hostettler's proposal is truly the stupidest thing I have read all day.

What's next on his agenda -- changing the name of French Lick to Freedom Lick?

From Brooklyn, NY:

Where can I get an I-69 button like that mentioned in this article?

http://www.hoosiergazette.com/News/Nov2004/news003.htm

Never mind the snickering, you could PAY for the road with revenue from t-shirts, bumper stickers, etc.

From New Hampshire:

How do I position that the I-69 designation for, well, I-69 remain

in tact?  But if we can't, could you also ask the Congressman look into that "asphalt" term ... it's very disturbing.

From Statesville, North Carolina:

To the Editor:

I got the news about I-69 and Representative Hostettler from a friend of mine and was quite amused at his comments on I-69 in Indiana.  Funny, I thought he was a fully-grown man.  Silly me.

First, Rep. Hostettler, if you rename I-69 because some people think it's sexual in nature, where does it end?  Do we rename Hollywood because it implies someone named Holly would do something illicit?  Do we boycott Volvo's because they sound similar to a part of the female anatomy?  Where do you draw the line??

And SECOND, look at a Road Atlas sometime.  Look at I-99, and where it is placed.  Should we take that out, too?  How about I-85 in Georgia, where it suddenly crosses over I-75 heading south so that the southern portion is west of I-75?  I-77 spends a great time east of I-81 (from Wytheville, VA, southward).  I-24 is north of I-40 north and west of Nashville.  I-35 north of Dallas is east of I-45 and it keeps going on in that direction.  And how about that little I-39 that runs through Bloomington?  Is Indiana suddenly west of Chicago, the northern terminus of I-55?

How about spending less time kowtowing to the religious right and spend more time worrying about terrorism, Rep. Hostettler?

From parts unknown:

you guys kick ass... this is a great web page!!! is there any reality in the hostettler  i-69 story?

From Kentucky:

Josh you ROCK!  Keep up the great work, the I-69 story was REALLY funny.

From Pennsylvania:

Renaming "I-69" is the most re-goddamn-diculous thing i've heard in a long time.

This legislator should be dealing with more pressing matters related to the state and its immediate future, rather than bowing to some frivilous, silly, and completely irrevelant concern of the fringe religious right.

Please, Indiana, dont embarass yourself by giving this idea legitimacy. Think about the future, and dont get pigeonholed into being labeled a state with a population that has a questionable intelligence because of some silly people who are getting attention!

From Parker, Colorado:

If Congressman Hostettler wants to change I-69, I think he should be the guy to pay for it all: the signs, the maps etc. Sounds like just another political patsy-and moron.

From Panama City, Florida:

"John Hostettler, the Congressman representing the 8th district of

Indiana, has been convinced by local religious groups to introduce legislation in the House that would change the name of an Interstate 69 extension to a more moral sounding number."  Only a politician would come up with something as outrageous as this...anything for a vote.  Next he'll want to abolish the numbers altogether!  His mind, and the mind of those religious groups demanding the change, need to get their minds out of the gutter!  Come on people, it's a number identifying an Interstate!

Concerning the article “Russian exchange student feels right at home in Cannelton” by Edward Seelbach

From a student at Cannelton High School (no kidding):

I am a resident of Cannelton IN and i just read the load of bull sh** about the russian girl going to our school.  Well for a matter of fact we don't have any russian student's at our school this year so we know it's not true. the only true fact in the coulnm s the 4-wheel drive trucks saying git-r-done. This town wouldn't make you want to do anything you only do it if you want to. I go to cannelton school and i don't smoke weed or have all kinds of tattoos.

From Cannelton:

Regarding the Cannelton story on your homepage:  We get enough bad press from the local towns, we really do not need two guys from Evansville making stuff up about us and posting it on the internet.  I know that this is a satirical story on a basically satirical website, but I think you should stick to making up stories about your own locales.  Being from Evansville, I'm sure you've driven through Cannelton once or twice, or at least know someone who has, but it's a bit unfair to label a town from a drive through or a single trip.  Those of us who have lived here our entire lives know that the people do a bit more than drink, get fat, have sex with anything, get tatoos, or smoke cigarettes and marijuana.  You could have easily made that story up about any town in Indiana and I honestly cannot understand why you would choose Cannelton to lay this on.  Most people do not know that Cannelton even exists, we'd rather keep it that way if this is the kind of crap people are going to say about our town.

I don't mean to insult your website or anything.  I enjoy a website that devotes itself to the lighter side of anything, especially my home state.  But I did not find anything lighthearted about that story.  It seemed to be a blatant putdown to people from Cannelton. 

I was wondering if you would allow me to write my own short piece on Cannelton and post that on your site.  If you were willing to do that, I would consider the whole situation to be fine as the real side of Cannelton could be shown.  Don't worry about bad writing on my part, I am currently attending USI as an English Education major and I can manage a few coherent paragraphs on my home town.

From a Cannelton resident:

I am enraged that you would allow a fictional story about my hometown, Cannelton, to be viewed in such a horrible manner.  In the story on your home page right now, Cannelton is shown as the equivalent of a rundown Russian town that promotes promiscuous sex, drug use, obesity, and, as if these were linked, tatoos.  The author creates a completely horrible image of Cannelton that I feel, form living there my entire life, is completely false.  If you dig deep enough in any town you will find the questionable element, it takes a genuine human being to search for the good in a small town.  To reiterate, I cannot believe that you would willingly post such horrible information about an Indiana city and I would very much like more information on this author, Edward Seelbach. 

I would at least like an e-mail address for the man so that I can find out just why he felt the need to slander my town like this.

From a former Cannelton resident:

just needed to let you know that, as a former cannelton high school student, i could have totally believed your cannelton story had my son (a student at RHIT) not told me it was a farce before he sent it.  btw, did you reference a little town named rome near cannelton in your "when in rome............." reference?

great job!

From Otwell, Indiana:

I once listened to a realtor's pitch and moved to Cannelton. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who sees the real town.  Yes, I know, Otwell is not much better.

From Fort Wayne:

I had to choke back laughter (I'm at work, and a cubicle-dwelling troll) reading the article on the foreign exchange student from Russia.

From an employee with Cannelton Schools:

Dear Editor:

I have received many emails from people who have been really hurt from your article on Cannelton High School's fictitious Russian student. All of the emails thought that it was true and the students are devastated -- especially since they are so poor and already feel bad about other schools making fun of them.

Please retract, if possible.

Miscellaneous

From Schenectady, NY:

I love you guys!

From Winamac, IN:

Hey, I've just gotta say that I really like this site. I've been a fan of theonion.com for years, and I just recently discovered hoosiergazette.com, and its great, just great. I read the article entitled "THG Readers Sound Off Again" and laughed my ass off. I imagine that in your position those letters only justify what you do even more, and thats got to be a great feeling. I do not have any hard feelings towards your mockery of all things Indiana-ish, because in all parody there is an underlying truth, and that is very much the case here. I actually had an idea to create a similar site a few years ago, but was unconvinced that I could pull it off.  You guys did, however, and I couldn't be happier with the site. I'm sure you get the offer all the time, but if you ever feel the need for some pro-bono writing, I would gladly volunteer for the job, but it looks like you have it covered nicely. My compliments to your site and please continue as long as you can!

From Indianapolis:

Best news site in Indiana!  I'm ashamed I didn't find you guys sooner!  :-)

From Georgia:

Just stopped by to see who was advertising on your site. I don't want to support any of your supporters.

From Georgetown, KY:

I appreciate the art of satire where I can find it. However, a successful execution of satire is its ability to be convincing. The articles on this website are not convincing due to the appalling grammar, writing style, and syntax of the language used. You might want to review aspects of journalism and simple grammar before you publish your stories. This is important to you now more than ever because of your exposure through certain stories from news stations.

I would expect more from the teacher of the group, Whicker. It is scary to think that this man is trying to guide young children on the path of learning when he cannot write or edit a simple sentence with correct punctuation. (By the way, periods always go inside quotation marks.) Before you deface Kentucky with jokes, you might want to look at your own website and how it represents Indiana.

Right now, your representation of Indiana is pitiful.

From the rogue state of Michigan:

I didn't know they had the Internet in Indiana.  Must be one of those other Internets that W was talking about in the debates.  For a bunch of Hoosiers, this is a pretty good effort.  Oh, and thanks for stacking your only bit of Great Lakes shoreline with Steel Mills.

From Butler University:

This site is great and I just sent it to all my friends...

"The Onion" of Indiana!!!!

From a suburb of Zulu (that’s what they put as their location):

I'm a real life professional journalist and I think THG's a hoot.  If we can't laugh at ourselves then we should get out of the business.  Keep up the good work.  It keeps us - at least most of us - on our toes where we ought to be.

From Naperville, Illinois (originally from Wolf Lake, Indiana):

why did i just now find this site? where has it been all my life?

aha. *tear*

From Evansville:

Great job you guys!  I love your site, it is the best thing in Southern Indiana next to "Cornhole" and "Washers".  I am originally from Indianapolis, but now reside in lovely *cough* Evansville.  I frequent your site often and love to see your stories.  I was surprised to hear on the WGBF this morning the story about John Hostettler wanting to change the name of I-69 to I-63, being that I had just read that article on your site the day before.  I noticed on http://www.courierpress.com/ecp/news/article/0,1626,ECP_734_3331700,00.html they mention your site as well!  I love it!  Keep up the great work!

From parts unknown:

Maybe your article on Angel Mounds is tongue in cheek, don’t know; but it is steeped in ignorance and offensive.  For you to ridicule early North American culture shows a lack of knowledge.  Of course if you don’t know anything about what the site signifies, then you will find it boring; nothing new there to human nature.  Typically that’s flat and two dimensional.  It’s an intellectual and spiritual challenge to see beyond the surface.

From Fort Wayne:

What a great website. And congratulations on making it into the National Journal. Websites like your make living here more bearable (at least a little)

From West Terre Haute:

Dear Sir:

I've been working some math problems, and I've discovered a new formula that

I wish to share with you:

Hoosier Gazette + (satire stories - real stories)/ The Onion = not funny

From Avon, Indiana:

Just to let you know I think your website is hilarious!  I really got a kick out of the "State Mottos" and my relative from KY loves the KY jokes (for those who are offended by them--calm down. You may substitute any state name you please).  Keep up the good work!  Satire is desparately needed today and for all those who don't get it--lighten up!

Thanks to all of you that took the time to comment!

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