The answer that first came to
mind when I read your question was “Hell yeah I’m a redneck!” but to be sure I
didn’t lead anyone who reads this astray, I decided to look the word up in the
dictionary and found two definitions:
red·neck (rdnk)
n.Offensive Slang
Used as a disparaging term for a
member of the white rural laboring class, especially in the southern United
States.
A white person regarded as having a
provincial, conservative, often bigoted attitude.
I am a member of the white rural
laboring class (although not in the South) and have a provincial and
conservative attitude. Some have even called me a bigot just because I don’t
think minorities should get a free ride or special privileges (affirmative
action for example). So I guess this makes me a redneck—and I don’t take
offense to the word.
DON
Dear Don,
You shouldn't make fun of
Cannelton like that. Look at one of your editors! His hobbies and interests
include making beer and wine, and having sex with his wife. That's sad. I don't
care if it said the point of your newspaper is to include fictional and real
stories, that was bad. You should at least say whether the stories you write are
true or fake before people read them. You people are stupid, sex and drug
addicted losers.
--Anonymous, Evansville
Dear Idiot,
If making beer and having sex
with your wife are wrong, I don’t want to be right. I bet you are one of those
people who thought our recent I-69 story was real and sent it to everyone in
your e-mail address book complaining about it, then found out later that it was
a hoax. Now you are pissed off about looking like a total jackass (which you
are) and want to write to us and complain about anything you can think of.
By the way, nice writing style.
Your letter shows how one can benefit from a third-grade education.
Take it easy,
DON
Dear Don,
What is your
favorite cheap beer?
--Ryan,
English, IN
Dear
Ryan,
The only
beer I drink is cheap beer. Those fruity beers people drink at up-scale bars
are for sissies. My favorite is Heileman’s Old Style, made in Milwaukee,
Wisconsin but available at just about any liquor store in the Midwest. I have
been drinkin’ that since Moby Dick was a minnow. It has a nice flavor, but the
best thing I like about it is you can get an 18-pack for about 8 or 9 bucks, and
it doesn’t give me the runs or a headache as bad as High Life or Strohs. If you
haven’t tried it, give it a shot. You won’t be disappointed.
DON
Dear Don,
Surely a man with your wit and
wisdom can answer the age-old question of "What the hell is a Hoosier"?
--Curtis of Dale, IN
Dear Curtis,
Nobody knows for sure where
Hoosier came from but here are some possible explainations from the Indiana
Historical Society:
·When a visitor hailed a pioneer
cabin in Indiana or knocked upon its
door, the settler would respond, "Who's yere?" And from this frequent response
Indiana became the "Who's yere" or Hoosier state. No one ever explained why this
was more typical of Indiana than of Illinois or Ohio.
·Indiana rivermen were so
spectacularly successful in trouncing or "hushing" their adversaries in the
brawling that was then common that they became known as "hushers," and
eventually Hoosiers.
·There was once a contractor named
Hoosier employed on the Louisville and Portland Canal who preferred to hire
laborers from Indiana. They were called "Hoosier's men" and eventually all
Indianans were called Hoosiers.
·A theory attributed to Gov. Joseph
Wright derived Hoosier from an Indian word for corn, "hoosa." Indiana
flatboatmen taking corn or maize to New Orleans came to be known as "hoosa men"
or Hoosiers. Unfortunately for this theory, a search of Indian vocabularies by a
careful student of linguistics failed to reveal any such word for corn.
·Quite as possible is a facetious
explanation offered by "The Hoosier Poet,"
James Whitcomb Riley. He claimed that Hoosier originated in the pugnacious
habits of our early settlers. They were enthusiastic and vicious fighters who
gouged, scratched and bit off noses and ears. This was so common an occurrence
that a settler coming into a tavern the morning after a fight and seeing an ear
on the floor would touch it with his toe and casually ask, "Whose ear?"
My own theory is this: There are so many
illegitimate kids in this state whose moms are dirty tramps, that many ask each
other “Who’s your daddy?” to which their reply is “Hell if I know”.
DON
Dear Don,
You aren't right man! Just wanted to say what's up. I love Dear Don.
--Brutus the Barber Beefcake, Howell Park, Indiana
Dear Brutus,
I miss you man! In honor of my biggest fan, I wanted to put your pic on the
site:
Take it easy,
DON
Dear Don,
Finally some decent, in-depth
journalism in Indiana! Having said that, my real reason for writing: Sad to
say that the near tragedy of specialty Hoosier food has not spread to other
states. I'm talking about the Breaded Tenderloin. My sister, a born Hoosier
married and is now in that foreign city of Philadelphia. Sadly, she cannot get
a Breaded Tenderloin in Bucks County PA. I've tried mailing her one, with
unfortunate results (green in color upon arrival). She has visited every eatery
within 50 miles..."A What..." is the usual response from the waitresses and
cooks who high-tail it out of the kitchen toward her with raised eyebrows.
Can you suggest any sources out
east for the Hoosier Breaded Tenderloin? My sister is threatening to move back,
a marriage could be in jeopardy. I just know you can help.
--Ron Wyatt, Kokomo
Dear Ron,
After having my grandson do
extensive research on the World Wide Web, he found the closest place to
Philadelphia in Pennsylvania that serves a pork tenderloin sandwich: at the
Atrium House Family Restaurant and Coffeehouse in Greencastle, PA. The bad
thing is, Greencastle is in the south-central part of the state, in Franklin
County off of I-81 just north of the Maryland state line, about a three hour
drive for your sis. Hopefully they got a good sandwich so it is worth the
trip---them folks in the east don’t know what good eatin’ is.
A couple of
weeks ago, you all had the top high school nicknames in Indiana. How could you
leave off one of the most originally and best names in the state: the Shoals Jug
Rox?
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