Submitted by Byron Moore of Greenwood, IN
Q: Did you
hear about the 3,000,000 Kentucky state
lottery?
A: The winner gets $3 a year for a
million years.
Submitted by Hoosier Daddy of Evansville, IN:
Q: How do you break a Kentuckian’s finger?
A: Hit him in the nose.
Submitted by Kristján Steinarsson of Rekjavik, Iceland:
Q: Why do dogs in Kentucky have flat noses?
A: They chase cars that are still.
Submitted by Eric of Valparaiso:
A Kentuckian
goes to his neighbor's shack and finds him printing counterfeit money in the
basement.
“Whatchya doin'?”
“Printin' funny
money.”
“But look here,
you idjit, these is $19 bills!”
“Yeah, so I was
fixin' to go spend 'em up in Indiana. I figger they
won't know the
difference.”
So the two go
across the border. They decide to go to a filling station
and buy $5 worth
of gas, to see if they can use their $19 bills. They
get their gas,
the counterfeiter goes inside to pay and comes back to
the car.
His buddy sez:
“Did it work? Did they take the bill?”
“They sure did!
They even gave me the right change--an eight and two threes!”
Submitted by Steve Tow of Boonville:
A Kentuckian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door,
telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on
fire!"
"OK", replied the fireman, "How do I get there?"
"Say, don't you have those big red trucks?"
Submitted by Jon Knight of parts unknown:
Two Kentuckians are driving along a highway when they see a sheep with its head
stuck in a fence.
The first one says, “Heyyy, here’s our chance to have some fun!”
The second one pulls over and they get out of their car and go over to the
sheep.
Sure enough it’s head is stuck firmly in place and there is no escape.
The first one says, “I’m gonna have me a little piece of that…” he then dropped
his pants and began “servicing” the sheep from behind.
When he was done, he looked at the second one and said,, “Okay,, it’s your turn
now.”
The second one gave the first one a smile and said,, “Whoooohoo, I’ve always
dreamed of this!” He then dropped his pants and stuck his head in the fence next
to the sheep and said, “Go ahead, and take your time!”
Submitted by Ernie Plumber of Fort Wayne:
This guy walks into a bar down in Kentucky and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised,
the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here. Where you
from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Boston."
The bartender asks, "What do you do up in Boston?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... what in God's green goodness is a
taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of
us!"
Submitted by Harry Pudenda of Greensburg:
Two Hoosiers driving through Kentucky in a pick-up truck spot two Kentuckians
hitchhiking. They stop and tell the Kentuckians to get in the back of the
pick-up. A ways down the road the driver swerves to miss an old Kentucky woman
picking up some road kill for dinner and the truck plunges into a farm pond and
sinks immediately. The two Hoosiers escaped but the two Kentuckians died. Why?
They couldn't get the tail gate down!
Submitted by Brandi Watson of Anniston, AL:
A proper Bostonian man was visiting in a small Kentucky town
and discovered he didn't have any writing paper for his personal
correspondence.
Finding an old-fashioned country store, he approached the attractive young girl
at the counter and asked, "Do you have notions?"
She replied, "I do, but I generally wait until after work to do
something about them."
The Bostonian was visibly embarrassed. "No," he said, "I mean, do you keep
stationery?"
Giggling, the young girl replied, "I can....until the very last, then I
get wild and crazy!"
Submitted by Derrick Morgan of Connersville:
Q: Why don't Kentuckians smoke hash?
A: It's impossible to keep the corned beef lit.
Submitted by Dirty Dave Dodson of Evansville:
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a
McDonalds on Friday night in Kentucky?
A: Prom.
Submitted by Harry of Terre Haute:
Q: What's the difference between a KY cheerleader and a
catfish?
A: One stinks and has whiskers, and the other one is a fish.
Submitted by Dan Steward of Evansville:
Q: Why don't they have M & M's in Kentucky?
A: Because they're too hard to peel.
Submitted by Bobby Duncan of Morgantown, IN:
Deep in the hills of Kentucky, a hillbilly's wife went into labor
in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the
delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and
said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing!" Soon a baby boy
was brought in the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor, "don't be in such a rush to put that lantern
down. I think there's another one coming."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.
"No, don't be in a hurry to set down that lantern, it seems there's yet another
one coming!" cried the doctor.
The hillbilly scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, "You
reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em ??
Submitted by Daniel Henderson of Harrisburg, Illinois:
Q: Why don’t they have drivers ed and sexual education on the
same day in Kentucky?
A: Because it is hard on the mules.
Submitted by Dave of Tell City:
On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the
forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee
man.
One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a
wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky
neighbor.
“There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest.”
“How do you know it's one of our wolves?” the Kentucky farmer asked.
Well, the Tennessee man replied, he's already chewed off three of his legs and
he's still trapped.
Submitted by Sue Willey of Fairfield, CA:
Q: What do a divorce in Eastern Kentucky, a tornado in Arkansas, and a Hurricane
in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
