Two
Kentuckians enter a bar and start celebrating and buying drinks for everyone.
"What's the occasion?" asks the bartender. "We just finished working a jigsaw
puzzle! It only took us three months!" One of them answered. "Three months"
scoffed the bartender, "It should have only taken about two days." "Oh yeah!"
said one of them, "The box said four to six years!"
Submitted by
Randy of parts unknown:
Two
Kentuckians, on their way to Kings Island, finally get around
Cincinnati and see a sign, "Kings Island Left". They turn around and go home.
Submitted by
Brach Hollis of Floyds Knobs:
Q: HOW DID THE KENTUCKIAN DIE
DRINKING MILK?
A: THE COW SAT ON HIM
Submitted by Jason Thomas of Lafayette:
The Kentucky State Engineering Exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a
10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of
shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm.
The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre.
The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches.
How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock
foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor
is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be
killed?
7. A man owns a Starkvillehouse and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a
mobile home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic
loading of secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a vehicle
that has a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2, Hazardous Area. The mine
employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd
shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how
long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a
country-western singer?
Submitted by
Kevin Kalb of Madison:
Q: Why can't Kentuckians make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't figure out how to get the two quarts of water into the packet.
Submitted by Ed of Newburgh, IN:
Why do Kentuckians display their UK degrees on the dashboards of their
cars?
So they can park in the handicapped zone.
Submitted by
Randy of Terre Haute, IN:
How do you catch
a Kentuckian?
You
follow him around real quiet like, and then, when he bends down to take a drink
you slam the toilet seat lid down on his head.
Submitted by John
Atkins of Bloomington, IN:
A Kentucky man is driving through Indiana and decides to stop at a roadside
produce stand. He goes up to the sales clerk and says, "I'll have some taters
and tomaters." The sales clerk says, "From the sound of your accent I can tell
you’re not from around here." The
Kentucky man gets angry and leaves. He drives a little farther until he sees
another roadside stand. He goes up to the sales clerk and says, "I'll have some
taters and tomaters." The sales clerk says, "You’re not from around here are
you?" The Kentucky man is a bit angry but responds, "How did you know, because
of my accent?" The sales clerk replies, "Hell no you idiot, this is a hardware
store."
