Franklin resident Donald P. “Uncle Don” Swanson is a
sixth-generation Hoosier and neighbor of Hoosier Gazette Webmaster Chris
Kasinger. Uncle Don has always been known for giving advice to everyone he
knows about just about every topic under the sun, especially after he gets a few
beers in him while watching the weekly NASCAR race on TV. To keep Don off
his back, Chris has provided him with this forum to give other people advice. If you
have a question on anything from wiring your house to a problem with your
relationship, e-mail Uncle Don at
don@hoosiergazette.com or use the Write to Don form above. We can’t
guarantee ol’ Don will have a coherent answer to your question, but he sure as
hell will give it his best shot.
I want to become
president some day. Please offer some advice.
--Paul from
Dartmouth University
Dear Paul,
First of all, I
hope you are rich or come from a rich family—otherwise you won’t have a
snowball’s chance in hell of winning a presidential election. Even an old hick
like me knows that money talks and B.S. walks!
Get one of those
terrible looking comb-over haircuts that 99% of all politicians have. Then
practice being as fake as possible—you have to win over voters by being a better
liar and ass-kisser than your opponent. You can’t be a blatant liar like John
Kerry, you have to lie in a way where at least people in your party will believe
you.
Buy a few blue
suits with solid colored or striped ties, which seems to be the presidential
uniform.
Franklin resident Donald P. “Uncle Don” Swanson is a
sixth-generation Hoosier and neighbor of Hoosier Gazette Webmaster Chris
Kasinger. Uncle Don has always been known for giving advice to everyone he
knows about just about every topic under the sun, especially after he gets a few
beers in him while watching the weekly NASCAR race on TV. To keep Don off
his back, Chris has provided him with this forum to give other people advice. If you
have a question on anything from wiring your house to a problem with your
relationship, e-mail Uncle Don at
